Resolutions 2017

• Be punctual with holiday-related blog posts. I have already started to draft my post “Nine Arbor Day Crafts & Recipes You Can Say You’re Doing While You’re Really Just Hiding From Your Family to Get Some Peace and Quiet”

• As consistency is key, continue with 2-part exercise program that I have followed for a several years decade:

Part 1: Watch 70s and 80s workout videos while eating gelato, which is healthier than ice cream because it’s a foreign word.

Part 2: While standing in front of fridge, closets, doors, drawers, shelves, or people while trying to remember why I’m there – do squats

• Find lotion that works for zits and wrinkles. Alternatively, hide husband’s glasses.

• Open windows before going to any room by myself so when I yell at the kids to leave me alone, my neighbors will hear me and applaud my boundary setting. Do same pre-coffee.

• Listen to Hamilton more often. There is no accompanying joke, I just love this music and this show and everyone involved in this show ever.

• Since “I thought the sweeping cinematography in the opening scene ” only works once, stay awake for movies we watch at home long enough to fake a conversation.

• Speak faster so that I can get more information out before inevitably being interrupted by one of my children needing a juice box, snack, hug, argument referee, Band-Aid, bicycle tire inflation, or to relay every Minecraft fact.

• Accept that I look the same no matter which mascara I wear, except for the one that smudges. Stop purchasing the one that smudges


• I have to leave the house to be an activist so:

  1. Leave the House.
  2. Be an Activist.

• Stop Random Capitalization as though you are writing the next Winnie the Pooh novel or other Good thing.

• Accept my Bill Murray ambivalence.

• Know that no one else will be ok with my Bill Murray ambivalence.

• Understand people will expend a lot of energy and gesticulate a lot and possibly spit a little in an effort to change my mind about Bill Murray

• Eat the chocolates.

• Use all the cookbooks in my office rather than rotate the same four meals and just call them different foreign names. Alternatively, learn to say “Leftovers” in more languages.

• Husband and children are just going to use the voice search on the remote control as a source of entertainment. Since searching for “Monkey Pants” will always be funny to them, move on with my life.

• Play ukulele when I have the time, be that at the pickup line or before and after parent-teacher conferences.

• KidzBop is a compromise.

• Maybe don’t compromise so much.

• Stop wearing the maternity underwear already.

• Only say “That’s ok” when “that” is actually “ok.”

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