Category Archives: Under 750

The Equal Rights Amendment Does Her First Open Mic Night

How’s everyone doing tonight? It’s great to be here at The Chuckle Patch, D.C.’s second funniest place after Kevin McCarthy’s leadership training sessions.

I’m the Equal Rights Amendment. Maybe you’ve heard of me — I used to be splashed across magazine covers and the chests of empowered, braless women across the country. I was the life of both parties. I couldn’t walk down a congressional aisle without someone trying to ratify me, if you know what I mean.

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“First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.” Epictetus

I hereby publicly state my 2022 resolutions before the tide of rants decrying resolutions as the folly of a made-up Hallmark Holiday. Such scoffing harshes my Seasonal Affective Disorder buzz.

1. Become Instagram Influencer. Make sure “Instagram Influencer” is not a euphemism for “orgy hostess.” (see: awkward Tupperware Party 2013)

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