Greetings and thank you for wading through that title.
Let me summarize the last month by assaulting your eyeballs:
You’re welcome. I’m certain I am the only one who has used “March Madness” in a non-basketball-related way.
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As the school year whips by us like homework excuses in a tornado, we find ourselves on the cusp of that most cherished of all educational adventuring: the field trip, where learning and relentless searches for bathrooms are disguised as off-site fun.
You, dear parents, have been chosen (read: volunteered, or at least volun-told) to chaperone.
This isn’t a drill. Nor is it a walk in the park—even if your field trip is actually to a park. This is a tactical obstacle course where you and they will run, cry, fall, climb, carry, and “Why did I volunteer for this?” your way through the day.
Here’s a briefing, because sharing is part of the healing:
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Every year, the blizzard of holiday activities, holiday shopping, and holiday parenting nibbles away at my holiday cheer. The season’s greatest test of my mettle is the elementary school winter concert. By mid-December, I yearn for quiet and an IV drip filled with eggnog, both of which earn me tongue clicks and impressively raised eyebrows.
This past year, I’d gotten everyone ready and had ten luxurious minutes to dress in something other than my usual straight-from-the-hamper chic, when my twins handed me a note from school dated three weeks earlier:
“FESTIVE CONCERT ATTIRE REQUIRED”
With the resourcefulness of a half-dressed MacGyver, I sprang into action. I found their ill-fitting dark slacks crumpled up in their under-bed ecosystems, then ran to find and use the iron for the first time since Buffy went off the air. Over my shoulder, I yelled, “Please find dark socks, dress shirts, and something resembling a hairstyle.”
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Jackie Pick 