Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fran

What I Read March 2026

I’ve been rotating through four classic responses to stress: fight, flight, freeze, and Fran. By which I mean Lebowitz. By which I mean I observe the mess, describe the mess, and get a laugh.

I might even drop a “We should circle back.” I absolutely do not circle back. Who has time for that?

If you’ve spent any time with me or my writing, you know I live in a town that likes noise. I do not like noise and I work from home. Local skeet/trap shooting finally stopped after its annual allotted 215-ish hours, and within a day the neighborhood leaf blowers began.

The clean baton pass from one form of mechanical noise to another is impressive.

I register it. I sit still and hope it ends. This is “freeze.” For variety, sometimes I Fran about it.

Meanwhile.

During an unscheduled visit to an upper cabinet, I rediscovered a Rubbermaid 20 Deviled Egg Keeper Storage Container (with lid!). I assume my husband brought it to the marriage, because this is not my spiritual tradition. This container implies we not only make an unholy number of deviled eggs, but also transport them elsewhere like some kind of appetizer diplomacy corps.

Every time we stumble on it, we say, “Oh, I loved deviled eggs!” like we caught them on tour in the early 00’s. We consider using it or donating it. Then we return the container to the upper cabinet because we do not host or attend high-volume eggy gatherings and don’t want to think about it.

Flight.

Bigger Life Problems are less funny, don’t budge for most of those strategies, and deal with the increasingly delicate question of where one safely places one’s actual self in a world that seems to reward anything else. (Even typing that, I assume I’ve annoyed someone. Hello! Welcome to my page!)

You cannot freeze your way into trust. You cannot flee your way into community. Even if you stretch beforehand, you cannot Fran your way into repair.

We sure love forgiveness because it lets everyone move on; repair asks you to be accountable. And while devastating commentary is deeply satisfying (TRUST ME), at some point, if anything is going to be rebuilt, somebody has to stay in the room and do the work.

Which is what this month’s books address – what it actually takes to stay and deal with things.

In The Fran Lebowitz Reader, the move is clear: identify the things and make good suggestions for more motivated folks to do something. In So Far Gone, repair is slow, uncomfortable, full of uncomfortable accountability. The Beginning Comes After the End argues that (re)building is the whole plot (and history proves that the necessary work must continue). And The Book You Need to Read to Write the Book You Want to Write dispenses with metaphor entirely and says sit down and get to it.

Now, fight sounds dramatic, but in practice a great deal of it is showing up and working with the broken thing long enough for it to improve.

Unless it’s a deviled egg container. I’m not dealing with that.

Which is all just to say, here are the books I enjoyed enough to finish this month:

  • So Far Gone by Jess Walter
  • The Fran Lebowitz Reader by Fran Lebowitz
  • The Book You Need to Read to Write the Book You Want to Write by Sarah Burton and Jem Poster
  • The Beginning Comes After the End by Rebecca Solnit

Note: For sanity and scale (mine, yours, and the internet’s), what follows are the openings of each review. Full versions are linked below.


So Far Gone by Jess Walter

Jess Walter’s So Far Gone may win the award for the most forgettable title attached to a most unforgettable reading experiences. It’s frustrating because I now have to enthusiastically recommend a book whose title I cannot remember five seconds after I say it. I feel like I’m pitching a movie called That Thing With the People and the Stuff. “You’ll love it!” “What’s it called?” “I DON’T KNOW, BUT IT’S GREAT!”

The book is, among other things, a road trip. Every stop produces the unnerving realization that you have, in some essential way, already been there, emotionally, culturally, existentially, possibly geographically. Each location is a diagnostic tool. Ah. Yes. This particular human mess/cultural sinkhole. Been there, done that, got a koozie.

(continued here)


The Fran Lebowitz Reader by Fran Lebowitz

I had to read The Fran Lebowitz Reader in careful, controlled doses. You can’t really binge Fran Lebowitz. At least I can’t. It’s literary espresso. Lebowitz comes across as someone who remembers that things were supposed to be better and finds the current situation inadequate. And then she lets you know exactly why in as few words as possible.

Lebowitz has an unmistakable voice with an unmistakable cadence. Sentence to sentence, essay to essay, she sounds exactly like herself, which is both the pleasure and the reason you can’t binge this book the way you might a more contemporary essay collection. Also unlike many more contemporary essay collections, there’s no narrative arc or tidy throughline. Essays are loosely grouped under headings like “Manners” or “Science” or “People.”

Which, if I may be so presumptuous, feels very Lebowitz.

(continued here)


The Book You Need to Read to Write the Book You Want to Write by Sarah Burton and Jem Poster

I read a lot of craft books. Most, at some point, begin to feel like they are passing around the same handful of writerly chestnuts, all flapping about “structure!” and “voice!” before settling down to discuss three-act arcs. So I approached with cautious optimism but expecting very little.

This one is genuinely terrific, and, for newer writers, probably indispensable.

(continued here)


The Beginning Comes After the End by Rebecca Solnit

“Hope” is a great four letter word.

The Beginning Comes After the End by Rebecca Solnit packs a lot into a small volume. This collection of dispatches reads more like someone trying (calmly, patiently) to answer a question a lot of us are circling right now: how do you keep going when you can’t tell if anything you’re doing is working?

That’s the feeling, yes? That things are…a lot? Maybe too much? That the future feels like it’s unfolding out of control. Solnit doesn’t pretend otherwise as she moves through all of it: the pandemic, climate change, political upheaval, the ongoing fights around feminism, racial justice, Indigenous rights, and who gets to belong and be heard. Nor does she pretend it’s easily manageable. She just keeps pointing us outward and backward – look at where we’ve been, look at where we are, look at what actual people have done, over time, to move things, even when it didn’t look like anything was moving! Look! And breathe!

(continued here)


And there be the March reads. As always, I welcome any recommendations! Read any good books lately?

1 thought on “Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fran

  1. Delayed my A.M. shower when this arrived in mailbox. The title “Fight, Flight, Freeze or Fran” caused me to think this was a missive from “The Nanny,” which caused me to think of my daughter…the college psychology graduate who is making more in her real-life Fran Dreschler role than I did in my first three years as a reporter.

    So, I sent her some texts (my daughter, not Fran, but that reminds me…). I asked how her budget is going, reminded her this is both Financial Literacy Month and International Humor Month. She asked if I was going to write about funny money. I told her with the penny going out of circulation, that makes no cents; and, since 47 is both signing cash currency and deep-sixing paper bills for coin-sized chocolates wrapped in gold images of himself, I am finding capital scarce. She did not laugh either, and became more silent when I requested a loan…actually, Reparations for the years I was held in parental slavery as the patriarch of this household while chipping away at my retirement fund (did you know Fran Dreschler went from Nannying to becoming president? Of the Screen Actors Guild.).

    The patriarchy being something #TheDghtUnit wishes to dispense with, according to her master’s research, I thought she would be thrilled to know how effective her academic militancy is. Old father’s don’t fade away. They become doormats.

    Nevertheless, while refusing my economic request, she did acquiese to her mother’s invite to join us for brunch on Resurrection Sunday with her beau in tow (the daughter’s, not #TheMrs…far as i know the husband did not go out with the baptismal water). Brunch is our treat, of course, giving another interpretation of of “bit coin.” We’re considering having angel eggs on the menu, if I could only find a Tupperware dispenser to carry the leftovers. Under this administration, am having a devil of a time poaching eggs.

    All of which is to say, thanks for the story. You gave me literary tips and reminded me to call Fran. My SAG pension has a few nickels.

    The Shower is now hot.

    Like

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